Double Entendre of the Day:
“Good morning. There are still high winds and swell, so the outside decks will remain closed. But we are doing excellent speed, so the trip should prove enjoyable.” Later: “We’ve continued doing excellent speed all day. We’ve come down a bit just recently for dinner, but we’re still doing very good speed now.”
Rupert calls in from Party Central.
I can just imagine this. The Russian captain up on the bridge, racking up huge lines on the instrument consoles, or the back of an atlas of nautical charts. Motioning us in with a broad grin. “Komm! Ve are doink yexcellent spyeed!” Cranking out 180 bpm industrial tech over the PA system. The first officer picking random locations on the chart to head for because they have funny names. The radio officer on the mic, having a long double-time D&M with a confused Chilean coastguard station about his childhood and how his relationship with his parents just, y’know, had like a really strong affect on him and that. Spotting objects on the radar panel that turn out to be misplaced rocks of meth. The cooks brewing up pots of 1-4B and Ribena in the galley. Doing pills on the bridge wings, talking to the passing albatross. I just feel like we really have some kind of connection, know what I mean? Like, we can’t even really talk properly, cos he’s a bird and everything, but we’re like, the same kind of spirit, and he’s watching over me.
Then, looking over the main map of the ship’s features, I start to notice a whole lot of other fun entries dotted around the ship. Read this list and then tell me there aren’t some serious munter parties happening on board the Akademik Sergey Vavilov.
To keep the kids occupied.
Hello boys.
Silly Russians got the words the wrong way round.
Always important to have options when you’re organising illegal raves.
Hang on, no-one told me Rabbi was on this ship…
Geoff Lemon